Insignificant at first, I pay you little mind as I give a light scratch.
Moments later you're back, slighly more intense. Again... I scratch.
Now you're a swelling, burning welt. More irritating than ever, I scratch again.
You're spreading, overtaking more of my body. Itching, burning, annoying.
I dig in hard. Scratching, tearing and pulling at you. Further you spread.
The more I fight you, the more of my body you consume. I just can't stop.
Bleeding now, but still scratching. How can you still exist if I have torn the skin from you..?
There's nothing left to scratch, nothing left to fight for. You win, Itch. You win.
I accept the discomfort now. I've already given too much thought to your existence.
Minutes later, you're gone. You've left your mark though. These scratches I've caused wont be gone as quickly as you were. I will remember you, but I sure as fuck won't miss you.
It's a metaphor...I'm a recovering alcoholic, but at the same time I do get these shitty welts that itch a lot. Fuck em!
Love,
Bryson
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
That night.
I had just broken up with my shitty ex-girlfriend.
You and I were texting all day and into the night every day.
I went to a party and had too much to drink
You were watching 300, with those men I could not compete.
You told me I couild come over
I ran from N. 10th to S. 9th in my flip-flops (thats all I had)
I got lost and called you when I was close.
When I saw you in that moonlight I just had to kiss you
We exchanged spit for quite awhile on the sidewalk in front of your house
We went inside and did so for awhile longer
I asked you where your room was
you told me I had to leave
You gave me 2 cigarettes and a lighter for the walk back and told me to text you tomorrow
The rest is history, I still remember the way you smelled that night :)
You and I were texting all day and into the night every day.
I went to a party and had too much to drink
You were watching 300, with those men I could not compete.
You told me I couild come over
I ran from N. 10th to S. 9th in my flip-flops (thats all I had)
I got lost and called you when I was close.
When I saw you in that moonlight I just had to kiss you
We exchanged spit for quite awhile on the sidewalk in front of your house
We went inside and did so for awhile longer
I asked you where your room was
you told me I had to leave
You gave me 2 cigarettes and a lighter for the walk back and told me to text you tomorrow
The rest is history, I still remember the way you smelled that night :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
To Love One's Self
I have never done this before, but thanks to a few of my best friends and also the love of my life I figured I would give this a shot. If nothing else it might be a good, safe outlet. Much healthier than my current outlet for my emotions. Constructive criticism is more than welcome!
I spent five years too many of my life providing for, loving and trying to improve myself for the worst person I have ever known (hopefully the worst one I will ever know). Before I was with this person I was the most happy-go-lucky person, and sincerely loved myself for who I was. I had many dreams and aspirations, some of which seem silly to me now. Including the hope of one day becoming a comedian, a doctor, or a herpatologist. I really didn't know exactly what I wanted to focus my efforts into so I dabbled in a little bit of everything to give myself a better idea.
Sadly this all changed when I met her. I gave up all of my friends because she didn't like them, and also lost who I was as a person. I was slowly broken down until there was nothing left of who I was. For years I was quiet, shy, nervous and never stuck up for myself. I was abused emotionally and physically on a daily basis. Told I was worthless, a loser, and a dumbass constantly. Still I stayed, hoping the person I fell for in the beginning might emerge from under whoever this monster was. Finally this relationship ended, but it took her kicking me out in order to do so. When I went home and told my Dad he got up, hugged me and said "Thank God, I knew you weren't happy."
Thus, I started my new life. Often referred to as "The summer of fun" by myself and Seth. I hung out with friends, old and new, all summer. I played softball, went camping, went to parties, and started to feel something I had not felt in so long, happyness. I also very quickly fell for the most amazing person I have ever met. We would spend almost every night together. Everyday I fell harder than the day before. She'd send me cute texts randomly saying the nicest things. Such as, "Hey handsome, I just want you to know I'm thinking about you, and I can't wait to see you." Our relatonship and our love for each other grew stronger and stronger with every passing day. I had finally gotten back to being who I really was and not hating myself. She also gave me the greatest gift I could ask for. The gift of being a father to her wonderful, amazing daughter. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I had a lot of issues with trust for the longest time. She was able to see past that and my many other faults.
It's safe to say I fell for her like a blind roofer. We have had so many hardships and trials in our relationship. It seemed every time things were going well for once something would happen and we'd be forced two steps backward. As a symbol of dedication to our future I bought her a Tiffany's bracelet. I had forgotten that I also had a personal message delivered with it until I saw that she had kept the note in her jewelry box this evening. It reads "We sure have been through some shit haven't we? Here's to our future together, I love you so much Amber."
In short I have Amber to thank for so much. She has shown me that I can be exactly who I am and not worry about changing myself for anyone. She still manages to surprise me with just how loving, caring, and compassionate she is. I've never felt this kind of love before. My greatest fear is losing her. I can't imagine my life without Amber and our daughter. She is always there when I need here. Whether it's just a few kind words, a hug, a laugh, or just that look in her eyes every time she looks at me.
I love you with all the essence of my being Amber, and I know that there is nothing we can't make it through together.
After reading this please feel free to wake me with a blowie.
Loves,
Bryson
I spent five years too many of my life providing for, loving and trying to improve myself for the worst person I have ever known (hopefully the worst one I will ever know). Before I was with this person I was the most happy-go-lucky person, and sincerely loved myself for who I was. I had many dreams and aspirations, some of which seem silly to me now. Including the hope of one day becoming a comedian, a doctor, or a herpatologist. I really didn't know exactly what I wanted to focus my efforts into so I dabbled in a little bit of everything to give myself a better idea.
Sadly this all changed when I met her. I gave up all of my friends because she didn't like them, and also lost who I was as a person. I was slowly broken down until there was nothing left of who I was. For years I was quiet, shy, nervous and never stuck up for myself. I was abused emotionally and physically on a daily basis. Told I was worthless, a loser, and a dumbass constantly. Still I stayed, hoping the person I fell for in the beginning might emerge from under whoever this monster was. Finally this relationship ended, but it took her kicking me out in order to do so. When I went home and told my Dad he got up, hugged me and said "Thank God, I knew you weren't happy."
Thus, I started my new life. Often referred to as "The summer of fun" by myself and Seth. I hung out with friends, old and new, all summer. I played softball, went camping, went to parties, and started to feel something I had not felt in so long, happyness. I also very quickly fell for the most amazing person I have ever met. We would spend almost every night together. Everyday I fell harder than the day before. She'd send me cute texts randomly saying the nicest things. Such as, "Hey handsome, I just want you to know I'm thinking about you, and I can't wait to see you." Our relatonship and our love for each other grew stronger and stronger with every passing day. I had finally gotten back to being who I really was and not hating myself. She also gave me the greatest gift I could ask for. The gift of being a father to her wonderful, amazing daughter. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I had a lot of issues with trust for the longest time. She was able to see past that and my many other faults.
It's safe to say I fell for her like a blind roofer. We have had so many hardships and trials in our relationship. It seemed every time things were going well for once something would happen and we'd be forced two steps backward. As a symbol of dedication to our future I bought her a Tiffany's bracelet. I had forgotten that I also had a personal message delivered with it until I saw that she had kept the note in her jewelry box this evening. It reads "We sure have been through some shit haven't we? Here's to our future together, I love you so much Amber."
In short I have Amber to thank for so much. She has shown me that I can be exactly who I am and not worry about changing myself for anyone. She still manages to surprise me with just how loving, caring, and compassionate she is. I've never felt this kind of love before. My greatest fear is losing her. I can't imagine my life without Amber and our daughter. She is always there when I need here. Whether it's just a few kind words, a hug, a laugh, or just that look in her eyes every time she looks at me.
I love you with all the essence of my being Amber, and I know that there is nothing we can't make it through together.
After reading this please feel free to wake me with a blowie.
Loves,
Bryson
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